We arrived home from Florida last Saturday and are on Day 8 of our mandatory isolation period…
I thought I’d share today how well it’s going over here:
QUARANTINE DAY 1
– spent 5 hours on the Internet; letting friends and family know we are home safe, surfing FB and IG, ordering groceries for delivery and other online “window shopping”
– showered, shaved, deep conditioned, pore refining mask then lathered myself in skin cream … not sure why since no one will see me, but I’m soft and squishy clean.
– planned out several projects to do over the next couple of weeks, but no, haven’t unpacked or done the dishes yet.
– washing down money with Lysol wipes so I can pay the neighbourhood kids for taking care of our animals while we were away.
– kids just started arguing because one is playing music on the others’ google mini.
– grocery delivery guy brought the wrong food… now I’m searching up recipes for wtf to do with red cabbage and shrimp-flavoured potato chips. 🤢
… and it’s only lunchtime.
QUARANTINE DAY 3
Things I learned today:
– don’t put on mascara before sanding
– it IS possible to get sick of the sound of your own voice
– that even with the time to clean my house, I won’t
– winter dog poop won’t magically dissolve in the yard, despite how liquidy it is to pick up 🤢
– my kids can only hear me at a certain volume… anything lower/quieter and it’s like a dog whistle to them
– I’m too chicken to shave my eyebrows… even in support of the effort to get people to stay home during Covid
– but drawing on really large (Freda-type) eyebrows is also sufficiently embarrassing to make you want to hide inside
– that a phone call or video chat means everything to someone
… and incidentally, Freda eyebrows will make them laugh. 😉
– 1 adult, 2 teenagers, 1 cat, 1 dog, 2 guinea pigs still alive
QUARANTINE DAY 4
I thought I’d share some thank you notes I should be writing today (like Jimmy Fallon):
- Thank you Amazon delivery guy, for bringing the extra x-box remote as a priority over the toiletries I ordered. You know where sanity lies.
- Thank you x-husband, for dropping off your past-prime veggies so the kids will quit feeding the “good stuff” to the guinea pigs
- Thank you Canadian Gov’t for determining that booze and cannabis are “essential” services
- Thank you FB for posting endless classes and courses for kids – that they refuse to try
- Thank you quarantine for “no bedtimes” – kids sleep till noon, I go to bed at 7 making life together much more tolerable
- Thank you Netflix (The Circle) for teaching me about “cat fishing” – Tallulah Fatpants is having a hilarious time in online chat rooms. 😂
- Thank you to the makers of Tylenol – sincerely, thank you.
– 1 adult, 2 teenagers, 1 cat, 1 dog, 2 guinea pigs still alive
QUARANTINE DAY 5
Chris delivered an x-box, I delivered dinner…
Quarantine for teenagers doesn’t seem so bad?
QUARANTINE DAY 6
Ozark Season 3!!
💃🏻💃🏻
… aaaaand the crash after finishing Ozark Season 3.
– 1 adult, 2 teenagers, 1 cat, 1 dog, 2 guinea pigs still alive… sanity sketchy
QUARANTINE DAY 7
We all might be losing it?
– 1 adult, 2 teenagers, 1 cat, 1 dog, 2 guinea pigs still alive… sanity sketchy
QUARANTINE DAY 8
Headlines I expect to see soon;
- Skyrocketing cases of blindness reported as people turn to masturbation during isolation
- Population suddenly ages as access to hairdressers and hair colourants cease
- Personal hygiene takes a hit as people ONLY wash their hands during “fuck-it, no one is gonna see me” quarantine
- Freshman 15 and Secretary spread now have a new weight gain phrase; Corona couch ass
- Darwin Award closes as too many qualify by not self-isolating.
– 1 adult, 1.5 teenagers, 1 cat, 1 dog, 2 guinea pigs still alive… sanity questionable at best.
How’s quarantine/isolation going for you guys? lol
Stay safe – try to stay sane…
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