Quarantine Day 8

We arrived home from Florida last Saturday and are on Day 8 of our mandatory isolation period…

I thought I’d share today how well it’s going over here:

QUARANTINE DAY 1
– spent 5 hours on the Internet; letting friends and family know we are home safe, surfing FB and IG, ordering groceries for delivery and other online “window shopping”
– showered, shaved, deep conditioned, pore refining mask then lathered myself in skin cream … not sure why since no one will see me, but I’m soft and squishy clean.
– planned out several projects to do over the next couple of weeks, but no, haven’t unpacked or done the dishes yet.
– washing down money with Lysol wipes so I can pay the neighbourhood kids for taking care of our animals while we were away.
– kids just started arguing because one is playing music on the others’ google mini.
– grocery delivery guy brought the wrong food… now I’m searching up recipes for wtf to do with red cabbage and shrimp-flavoured potato chips. 🤢

… and it’s only lunchtime.

QUARANTINE DAY 2

– spent some time in the workshop swearing at wood that won’t do what I want it to. 🤬

– took my rant to IG, because the kids are sick of my voice.

– found 20 more projects I could do… except that I’m in isolation and all stores are closed.

– enjoyed some homemade pork and beans – because no one will be witness to their repercussions 💨

– forced the kids to do an online workout with me – did you know that yoga poses on a dirty carpet really helps ball up the dog hair?

– kids are up to 22 hours of screen time – but we’re not fighting, so I’ll call it a win

– spent hours searching for online games that can be played between houses, and jujubes… I’ve got priorities. 😂

– kids have figured out how to shut off my music from their bedrooms, so I’m now singing loudly to myself – humming really, because I can’t remember any words.

– 1 adult, 2 teenagers, 1 cat, 1 dog, 2 guinea pigs still alive

QUARANTINE DAY 3

Things I learned today:
– don’t put on mascara before sanding
– it IS possible to get sick of the sound of your own voice
– that even with the time to clean my house, I won’t
– winter dog poop won’t magically dissolve in the yard, despite how liquidy it is to pick up 🤢
– my kids can only hear me at a certain volume… anything lower/quieter and it’s like a dog whistle to them
– I’m too chicken to shave my eyebrows… even in support of the effort to get people to stay home during Covid
– but drawing on really large (Freda-type) eyebrows is also sufficiently embarrassing to make you want to hide inside
– that a phone call or video chat means everything to someone
… and incidentally, Freda eyebrows will make them laugh. 😉

– 1 adult, 2 teenagers, 1 cat, 1 dog, 2 guinea pigs still alive

QUARANTINE DAY 4

I thought I’d share some thank you notes I should be writing today (like Jimmy Fallon):

Thank you Amazon delivery guy, for bringing the extra x-box remote as a priority over the toiletries I ordered. You know where sanity lies.
Thank you x-husband, for dropping off your past-prime veggies so the kids will quit feeding the “good stuff” to the guinea pigs
Thank you Canadian Gov’t for determining that booze and cannabis are “essential” services
Thank you FB for posting endless classes and courses for kids – that they refuse to try
Thank you quarantine for “no bedtimes” – kids sleep till noon, I go to bed at 7 making life together much more tolerable
Thank you Netflix (The Circle) for teaching me about “cat fishing” – Tallulah Fatpants is having a hilarious time in online chat rooms. 😂
Thank you to the makers of Tylenol – sincerely, thank you.

– 1 adult, 2 teenagers, 1 cat, 1 dog, 2 guinea pigs still alive

QUARANTINE DAY 5

Chris delivered an x-box, I delivered dinner…
Quarantine for teenagers doesn’t seem so bad?

QUARANTINE DAY 6

Ozark Season 3!!
💃🏻💃🏻

… aaaaand the crash after finishing Ozark Season 3.

– 1 adult, 2 teenagers, 1 cat, 1 dog, 2 guinea pigs still alive… sanity sketchy

QUARANTINE DAY 7

We all might be losing it?

– 1 adult, 2 teenagers, ~~1 cat,~~ 1 dog, 2 guinea pigs still alive… sanity sketchy

QUARANTINE DAY 8

Headlines I expect to see soon;

Skyrocketing cases of blindness reported as people turn to masturbation during isolation
Population suddenly ages as access to hairdressers and hair colourants cease
Personal hygiene takes a hit as people ONLY wash their hands during “fuck-it, no one is gonna see me” quarantine
Freshman 15 and Secretary spread now have a new weight gain phrase; Corona couch ass
Darwin Award closes as too many qualify by not self-isolating.