Quarantine Day 8

We arrived home from Florida last Saturday and are on Day 8 of our mandatory isolation period…

I thought I’d share today how well it’s going over here:

QUARANTINE DAY 1
– spent 5 hours on the Internet; letting friends and family know we are home safe, surfing FB and IG, ordering groceries for delivery and other online “window shopping”
– showered, shaved, deep conditioned, pore refining mask then lathered myself in skin cream … not sure why since no one will see me, but I’m soft and squishy clean.
– planned out several projects to do over the next couple of weeks, but no, haven’t unpacked or done the dishes yet.
– washing down money with Lysol wipes so I can pay the neighbourhood kids for taking care of our animals while we were away.
– kids just started arguing because one is playing music on the others’ google mini.
– grocery delivery guy brought the wrong food… now I’m searching up recipes for wtf to do with red cabbage and shrimp-flavoured potato chips. 🤢

… and it’s only lunchtime.

Shrimp chips

QUARANTINE DAY 2
– spent some time in the workshop swearing at wood that won’t do what I want it to. 🤬
– took my rant to IG, because the kids are sick of my voice.
– found 20 more projects I could do… except that I’m in isolation and all stores are closed.
– enjoyed some homemade pork and beans – because no one will be witness to their repercussions 💨
– forced the kids to do an online workout with me – did you know that yoga poses on a dirty carpet really helps ball up the dog hair?
– kids are up to 22 hours of screen time – but we’re not fighting, so I’ll call it a win
– spent hours searching for online games that can be played between houses, and jujubes… I’ve got priorities. 😂
– kids have figured out how to shut off my music from their bedrooms, so I’m now singing loudly to myself – humming really, because I can’t remember any words.
 
– 1 adult, 2 teenagers, 1 cat, 1 dog, 2 guinea pigs still alive

QUARANTINE DAY 3

Things I learned today:
– don’t put on mascara before sanding
– it IS possible to get sick of the sound of your own voice
– that even with the time to clean my house, I won’t
– winter dog poop won’t magically dissolve in the yard, despite how liquidy it is to pick up 🤢
– my kids can only hear me at a certain volume… anything lower/quieter and it’s like a dog whistle to them
– I’m too chicken to shave my eyebrows… even in support of the effort to get people to stay home during Covid
– but drawing on really large (Freda-type) eyebrows is also sufficiently embarrassing to make you want to hide inside
– that a phone call or video chat means everything to someone
… and incidentally, Freda eyebrows will make them laugh. 😉

– 1 adult, 2 teenagers, 1 cat, 1 dog, 2 guinea pigs still alive

QUARANTINE DAY 4

I thought I’d share some thank you notes I should be writing today (like Jimmy Fallon):

  • Thank you Amazon delivery guy, for bringing the extra x-box remote as a priority over the toiletries I ordered. You know where sanity lies.
  • Thank you x-husband, for dropping off your past-prime veggies so the kids will quit feeding the “good stuff” to the guinea pigs
  • Thank you Canadian Gov’t for determining that booze and cannabis are “essential” services
  • Thank you FB for posting endless classes and courses for kids – that they refuse to try
  • Thank you quarantine for “no bedtimes” – kids sleep till noon, I go to bed at 7 making life together much more tolerable
  • Thank you Netflix (The Circle) for teaching me about “cat fishing” – Tallulah Fatpants is having a hilarious time in online chat rooms. 😂
  • Thank you to the makers of Tylenol – sincerely, thank you.

– 1 adult, 2 teenagers, 1 cat, 1 dog, 2 guinea pigs still alive

QUARANTINE DAY 5

Chris delivered an x-box, I delivered dinner…
Quarantine for teenagers doesn’t seem so bad?

QUARANTINE DAY 6

Ozark Season 3!!
💃🏻💃🏻

… aaaaand the crash after finishing Ozark Season 3.

– 1 adult, 2 teenagers, 1 cat, 1 dog, 2 guinea pigs still alive… sanity sketchy

QUARANTINE DAY 7

We all might be losing it?

– 1 adult, 2 teenagers, 1 cat, 1 dog, 2 guinea pigs still alive… sanity sketchy

 

QUARANTINE DAY 8

Headlines I expect to see soon;

  • Skyrocketing cases of blindness reported as people turn to masturbation during isolation
  • Population suddenly ages as access to hairdressers and hair colourants cease
  • Personal hygiene takes a hit as people ONLY wash their hands during “fuck-it, no one is gonna see me” quarantine
  • Freshman 15 and Secretary spread now have a new weight gain phrase; Corona couch ass
  • Darwin Award closes as too many qualify by not self-isolating.

 

– 1 adult, 1.5 teenagers, 1 cat, 1 dog, 2 guinea pigs still alive… sanity questionable at best.

How’s quarantine/isolation going for you guys? lol

Stay safe – try to stay sane…

2020-03-30T22:20:26-04:00March 30th, 2020|Uncategorised|0 Comments

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

%d bloggers like this: